Dings in the wall,
Carpet a little worn,
Dirt in the window sill,
The door so adorn.

What was once my life,
isn't any more.
With so many changes--
a lot for sure.

I look back at life's lessons
With a little sorrow,
And look back and smile
It'll be better tomorrow.

A lesson was taught
A lesson's been learned
A family, yes we are
And forever earned.

Goodbye to the house,
And hello to the free.
For tomorrow is come
For him and for me.

May 26, 2010.

Commitment.

It feels like an eternity since I have blogged and I have been feeling very guilty about it. But I have been thinking a lot lately about commitment. I have talked before about commitment in dealing with weight loss and such, but this time around, I have been thinking of commitment in general. For instance, I have been asking myself "how committed are you in life?" "How committed are you in your relationship?" "How committed are you to your religion?" "How committed are you to your family?"

I have heard it said that it is within the trials of life that your true character appears. As I ponder that saying, I wonder why my true character is such a wuss.

As most of you know, I was married almost 3 years ago (in September). I knew before I got married that my sweetheart had four teenagers that had some problems. Well, for about the first year of our marriage, when people would ask how its going, I would always say, "Marriage is great, but parenthood sucks!" I was consistantly trying to fix Gary's kid's problems, so they would be kid's with no problems (or smaller ones anyway). By the time I realized that I no longer needed to "fix" these kids, but just love them, it was too late. The damage was done. They hate me--and rightfully so. In the effort to fix these kids, I gave them just one more person to distrust. One more person that is not on their side.

I look at my mom who so valiantly raised her own kids and others. In the midst of her adversity, she bloomed and grew by leaps and bounds. She had it hard. Very hard. But she never let her children ever feel like they were not loved.

When I think about my commitment to my family, I think about my mom and her commitment to her family. She was committed and nothing was going to tear her away from her commitment. My mother is a rock, an angel. She suffered greatly in her life. I often ask why she didn't quit? She just replies "quitting is not an option."

Am I committed? I don't really know yet. I want to be. I want to build strong characteristics and become a better person, a person like my mom. Strong, obedient, determined, righteous, and brave. For now, I am working on being committed. I am working on being better.

As for my sweet troubled kids, I love them dearly and I am so sorry for everything that I put them through (even though I still don't approve of their actions). Its not until recently that I realized they had enough on their plate without adding a wicked step-mother into the mix. I am so very sorry. Their father is my sweetheart and will be forever--I am so lucky to have him and I wouldn't change anything about our life together. For me, in this moment, its perfect.

What I have been doing lately!

1. School, school, school. April was our last month of the semester and I have been busy trying to get all my projects done. However, I still have 2 papers and 2 projects to finish by tomorrow. I think I can do it!

2. Work. NO WAY!! I quit my job at State Farm at the end of March and have been happily concentrating on me, school, home, and Gary for the month of April. However, my free time has been eaten up by all the housework, schoolwork and life that has happened.

Starting May 3rd, I will be working for a company called TopTenReviews.com. I will be an intern for just the summer and I hopefully will learn a great deal regarding editing, and writing. I am just really excited to be working in the business.

3. Church. I am still serving in the Webelos once a week, but I have been released from my other callings. Its been nice to go to church on Sunday and actually enjoy what is going on, instead of worrying about primary! LOVE IT!

4. Play. Gary has worked extra hard to get the bike out and ride worthy. We have a new Mustang seat that makes the ride a lot more comfortable for everyone involved. Also, I have new floor boards to rest my feet. Riding has been a lot more fun for us, but then it snowed and now we have to wait for the weather to warm up again? WTF, Mother Nature?

Also, we recently purchased a new bigger tent (6 man) to go camping this summer. Gary and I have only gone camping once our entire marriage. I love camping! So this year, we are making a better commitment to go! Gary was so excited he also bought a new lantern. He broke it out the other day when the power died. It stunk up the whole house. I know why we just use them outside.

5. Family. I have been spending a lot more time with my family since Dad died and especially with my mom. Its been healing for both of us to talk and laugh and cry. I really am glad I have my mom so close to me that we can share and heal together.

Well, that is our post for now. I hope to be writing much more in the near future as I continue to practice, practice, practice my writing.

LOU’S GONE FISHING! King Louie caught his limit here and has now Gone Fishin’ in
a better place. LouDell Reese was born May 20, 1926 in Malad, ID to Nette Mary Abter
and Louis Lorenzo Reese and died March 20, 2010 surrounded by family and friends.
With compassion, friendship, humor, and happiness, LouDell Reese lived a life of
service. He rescued everybody from Boise to Kanab and cared for the elderly, the
disabled, and the ill.
Known by many names he created memories and moments which deeply touched others:
Husband, Dad, Papa, Brother, Friend, Santa, Saint, Scoutmaster, Hero, Cowboy, Coach,
Mechanic, Teaser, Rescuer, Dogcatcher, Mosquito Man, Perry Parade Chairman, and
Founder of the Orange-Shirted Reese’s Pieces.
He served in many Church callings and was a loved member of the Perry Wards and the
old Brigham City 5th and 10th wards.
He leaves an on-going legacy of good works and laughs to his posterity of 11 children, 41
grandchildren, 53 great grandchildren, and 3 great, great grandchildren. He was preceded
in death by his parents and by his wife Mary Alta Baker (wife of 26 years), and by
siblings by Eva Yearsley, Dale Reese, Ruth Reese, Burke Reese, and Sylvia Reese.
LouDell is survived by Dorothy (his wife of over 36 years) and his 11 children and their
spouses: David (Lois) Reese, Daleine (Fred) Allen, Vardell (Mike) Reese, Larry (Jenny)
Reese, Kenneth (Kayleen) Reese, Jolene (John) Griffin, Deena (Phil) Poulsen, William L.
(Jin Sook) Reese, Dell (Lisa) Reese, Robert (Amber) Reese, and Jennie (Gary) Moore.
He is also survived by his siblings Rosalie “Skip” Reese, Ray Don Reese, and Joseph D.
Reese.
The family would like to thank Alpine Hospice & Dr. Hillam for their compassionate
care as well as all the many friends and family who gave assistance and love.
There will be an viewing on Thursday March 25 from 6pm to 10 pm at the Myers
Mortuary in Brigham City.
Funeral will be held Friday March 25 at 12pm with a viewing prior starting at 10am at
the Stake Center 685 W. 2250 S. Perry Utah.

The WHOLE family!

Mom, Dad and all my Sibs!